Filed under: Quotes
I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.
I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
I saw a human pyramid once. It was totally unnecessary.
I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don’t know why, that’s what they’re supposed to do. Now if he had had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed.
I type a 101 words a minute. But it’s in my own language.
I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.
I was walking down the street with my friend and he said “I hear music.” As if there’s any other way to take it in.
I love blackjack. But I’m not addicted to gambling. I’m addicted to sitting in a semi circle.
I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.
Filed under: Quotes
Ok. So this site is not the most family friendly, but if you’re in to funny IM conversations, this is it. I just wasted an hour and a half. Here are a few excerpts.
Shiv: really, how can you make a “combatting illiteracy” poster anyway?
Shiv: make it a map to the library?
Wolf: 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A
Wolf: 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B
Wolf: 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business
Reply Mail Envelope.
Wolf: 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold
in your hand.
Wolf: 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away
whistling.
I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies
telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather
then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that
they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with “It says
Business Reply Mail” I’m suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your
business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.
Wolf: Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an
added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope
so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about
the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After
yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my
demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this
very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.
scirdsl: I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying “You’re next”. They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.
Here are some Chuck Norris facts:
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
For more, click here
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution.
- Jay Leno
